Brad has been gone for a week now, not too long. I've obviously dealt with worse, but I have been unusually crabby lately. Crabby to the point that Ryan asks me why I hate him and felt the need to announce to everyone on Sunday that "Mom's just grumpy because she's bleeding." Gee, thanks Ryan :-/ Honestly, "mom's" just tired. I'm tired of doing this alone and always feeling behind. It doesn't matter what it is I'm behind on it. Exercise, laundry, bills, sleep...behind!
Then there's Alaska. I feel like it's just a heavy weight hanging over my head waiting to drop. I mean, are we actually ever gonna get there?? Do I even want to go? Ugh :-/ It's part of the US, but we have to treat it like its overseas and jump through hoops just to get there. I just want to hurry up and get there before some deployment takes my husband away and I have to wait another year to see him!! Is that asking too much?! Apparently it is.
Another rub I have is how the army sensationalizes EVERYTHING!! As, you read in a previous post the whole family day/graduation thing was a bust, but anything you ever read is about how great it is and how all the drill sergeants actually really like you and want the best for you...LOL!!!! Not true!
But, it's been like that with everything. It's like they thrive on our disappointment. They tell you one thing and then something completely different takes place. They make it seem like you'll be getting all this extra money for going to an "overseas" base and then once you get there you find out it isn't exactly true. And, everything is so unorganized! You'll have two or three different people telling you something completely different about the same thing. Just get your facts straight! How hard is that??
I think what's really bugging me is that before when Brad was gone I had a specific date to count down to. I knew when I'd be seeing him again. I had something to look forward to. A date to meet goals by. Now, I have nothing. No idea of long this process will take. It's eating away at me, making me restless and anxious; a grumpy mother and an unsympathetic friend. I hate being this way.
I normally end these things with an epiphany of sorts, a "light bulb" moment where I realize how great life is and how much the people in my life mean to me, but today I got nothing. Today I'm just hanging out in limbo wondering if I'm even headed in the right direction. Today I'm just sad.
