Moving

Eva's clothes now hang where mine used to when I was growing up here at my parents house. I guess I'm back here, so that I can grow some more. It's weird. I never thought that my daughters clothes would be hanging in place of mine someday. I always imagined a big beautiful nursery with a huge walk-in closet. I never imagined four of us sharing one dresser and a tiny amount of space in the closet.
I always think I need more stuff until I have to move, then I'm ready to throw everything away! I still have to go back over to the other house and sort through all of their toys:-/ I guarantee at least half will be tossed out.
I hate moving! I always have. I would just like to find a place and be able to settle in for more than a year or two. I want my kids to have what I had growing up, which was stability. There hasn't been a whole lot of that in their short little lives, but I am hoping that one day soon I can give them that at the very least.
We won't have a lot. There won't be new furniture or a cool TV. My kids will probably never have their own rooms or the coolest toys, but there are a few things that I hope I can give my kids. I hope my kids know everyday how much I love them. I hope they feel secure. I hope they have peace. I hope that I can pass down self confidence. I hope that they will establish their own walk with God and live by faith.
I may not be able to give them very much materialistically, but if I can give them these things then they will be some of the richest people in the world.

Dad

  I have to say that through everything my dad has been my rock. Through every broken promise and every second chance (how many "second" chances can there really be?...lol) he has been there. He has held me while I cried and he has been the first one to make me laugh. He's not like most dads. He will always be there for you no matter what, but he won't let you feel sorry for yourself for very long. I like that about him. He pushes me forward instead of letting me wallow in my grief.

  For instance he came home last night and let me explain what happened without interrupting. He apologized and listened while I told him what my new "life plans" were. (Can you really even plan your life? I guess you can try.) Then he told me not to plan anything and just to wake up every morning and decide that day what I need to do and as soon as he was done saying that he starts talking about stuff that won't be happening anytime soon...lol. I quickly reminded him of his own advice and he laughed.

  He's pretty good at reading my emotions. When he first walked in he was gentle and understanding...for about ten mins and then the jokes started. Most people don't get that. They'd be horrified if they knew we were laughing about this, but I needed that. I need to be able to laugh. I can't let the bad things that happen steal my joy or my sense of humor and my dad knows that. So, when he headed up the stairs for bed and told me not to weep too loud because he needed his sleep I know that was him saying "I love you, kid. Hang in there." And, I will.

My dad and mom- Who could ask for better role models?

Giving Thanks:-)

  Well, we all know that the month of November is all about giving thanks. If you go to church your pastor is bound to have at least one service where anybody can have the chance to stand up and say what they are thankful for. I love these services....especially if my name is mentioned;-) It usually isn't, so don't worry...lol. And, if you have a Facebook account then a couple of your friends have probably started the giving thanks count down to Thanksgiving by listing one thing everyday that they are thankful for. I don't do this. Not because I couldn't come up with things I'm thankful for, because believe me I could, but because I'd forget to do it some of the days and have to play catch up...lol!!
  Anyways, I thought I'd write this blog and let people know what I am thankful for right this moment. Things that have actually happened this week and made me smile.
  [1] Most people say that they are thankful for their health and relatively speaking we are a healthy family, but given the fact that this week I have cleaned up more puke and diarrhea than I ever thought possible I would like to instead give thanks for my awesome husband. Brad has been amazing this week. He has been right by my side cleaning pukey laundry, changing horrible diapers and bathing sick children. He even stayed home on Thursday when I got sick and let me lay in bed all day. He changed every diaper, other than Eva's...lol, he gave every bath (yes, our children take multiple a day, especially when sick) and he even made dinner that night. I was thinking all day what a special person he is and how lucky I am.
  [2] I am so thankful for my awesome family. I had the opportunity to talk with one sister on the phone for like 45 mins (a big deal, since we usually just text...lol) and go out with another one to a yummy little Indian restaurant. My sisters are my best friends and I'm glad to have them.
   Then, there is my mother. I could not ask for a better person to have raised me and help me raise my kids. She is patient, kind, caring, honest, loyal and the glue that holds our family together. I love her so much.
  My dad has always been super close to me. He's always there when I need him, no questions asked. I have no doubt he would take a bullet for me...or put a bullet in someone else for me...LOL! I'm glad he was and always will be one of the most important people in my life.
  This year has been tough. My hardest yet, but these people have stayed right by my side through it all and I would do the same for any of them.
  [3] I will never ever forget to say how thankful I am for my kids. They are my life. I am thankful that I am able to love them with all of my heart and put them before anything else. Even when things get frustrating I never question my love for them. They put a smile on my face and laughter on my lips every single day. They are all so beautiful and unique.
  [4] I am thankful for my church. The amazing leadership that I trust with my life. The wonderful people that are faithful and committed to serving and loving each other and letting the way that they live their lives be their testimony. I could never say thank you enough.
  I am so full of thanksgiving and I realize how good I have it and how truly blessed  I am.

Random thoughts of the day.

  So, here I am again blessed to be the mother of three beautiful sleeping children.....YES!!! I have a lot on my mind, so this blog is going to be extremely random, kind of choppy and probably hard to follow. I guess that kind of explains how I function on a day to day basis. One minute I'm cleaning dishes and half way through I notice a diaper that needs changing and while I'm on all fours cleaning one of my kid's booties I notice a dirty sock and that starts me off doing a load of laundry, when I all of the sudden remember that the dishes need to be finished. I'm all over the place. I literally need a check list to keep me on schedule and focused. I may have ADHD....lol! Anyways, these are my thoughts so far today:

  [1] Is my son Mason just bipolar or is it something about seeing the church building that sets him off? I mean, seriously, he could be perfectly fine and as soon as we pull into the church parking lot he's acting like Satan himself has possessed his soul. I am not kidding when I say that I spanked him three times at church last night and he still gave me Hell every time I brought him back into the sanctuary. And, then as soon as we got into the car to leave and I turned on his Micky Mouse cd, he was all smiles and singing along. Are You Freaking Kidding Me?!!! And, why is it that people always feel the need to tell you what a great mother you are when your kids are carrying out the devils latest task, by trying to ruin service for everyone? Why can't they tell you how awesome you are when your kids are behaving, so that you actually believe them?...maybe it would help if my kids behaved...hmmmmm

[2] Is there a "candid camera" hiding in my house somewhere? Is somebody evil paying/bribing my son, Ryan to poop in his pants? I mean, come on, we've been doing this whole potty training thing for a year now and he's no closer to pooping in the toilet than he was when he was fresh out of the womb. I'll have him sitting on the potty for twenty minutes telling him to squeeze just a little harder, so he can empty his bowels in the appropriate place and I'll give him some candy when he's done (Heck, at this point I'd hand the kid a hundred dollar bill!....well, maybe a dollar. Momma doesn't have any hundreds:-/ ), but, no, he'd rather waste my time and then poop his pants two minutes after he gets off the toilet. Why do I even let him off?!!! I should make him spend the whole day there. *sigh*

[3] How is it that Eva can be soooo perfect? I feel like I'm being tricked and one day, she's gonna start screaming and never stop. I'm not kidding when I say the only time she cries is when she's super hungry and letting me know to drop what I'm doing immediately, so I can go fill up her little belly. And, the only time she ever gets a little fussy is when she's demanding that daddy drop the iPhone and continue to make goofy faces at her. She rarely spits up and has only pooped up her back like three times. Hopefully this perfect streak doesn't come to a screeching halt. It's nice to have a little break from the little monsters that I usually create....lol!

[4] Love. This has been on my mind a lot lately. How do you know if you truly love someone if that love has not been tested? How do you know that you'd do anything for somebody if nothing has been required of you? True love doesn't always feel good, unless it is reciprocated. When you truly love someone you may have to endure heartbreak and you won't be able to put the pieces back together by yourself. With true love you'll have given your heart to someone else and you'll be standing there hoping that they are kind enough to help you put the pieces back together. I have learned this year that we may never truly know what love is until it has been tested and come out victorious.
  On the other hand do you really love someone if you have done something to test their love for you? And, if you have to say sorry are you really? Wouldn't it make sense that if you knew what you were doing was wrong and would hurt someone then you just wouldn't do it? I get that mistakes happen, but what about those things that are a conscience decision, not just a mistake, like spilling a glass of milk. I don't know if just saying sorry is enough. I don't know if it's real. Wouldn't it be great to know exactly how people think and feel, so that we would know if we were just wasting our time or not? Maybe, that would be too easy. Maybe, just like it would eliminate heartbreak, frustration and anger it would also eliminate joy, excitement and relief. What's the fun in knowing stuff before it happens? I guess we just have to take the bad with the good. There really wouldn't be one without the other.

  These are my thoughts for today. Something to ponder when I get bored...lol. Any thoughts, feedback or just stating that you disagree with any of the above and think I'm totally nuts are welcome:-)