45 days

It has been 45 days, since I last saw my husband. 45 days since he kissed me and the kids good bye and headed off to Fort Benning, GA. I can't believe that I have made it this long without him. We have been writing letters back and forth, since he doesn't get much phone time and I gotta say that it's pretty neat. It's almost like we are dating again, except that I get that excited butterfly in the stomach feeling when I see the post man pull up, not when I see Brad pull up...LOL! Getting his letters is the highlight of my week. It's what gets me through and holds me together.
  The kids and I are back in our house now and things have been going pretty well. I'm not scared like I thought I'd be. I can actually sleep upstairs with the lights out ;) At first it was a little depressing to be back; to smell the scent of Brad's body wash drifting from the bathroom and knowing that it would eventually go away, because he wasn't here anymore to keep the scent "alive". It hurt a lot to put all the kids to bed at night and then go into my empty bedroom and sleep alone in the bed that I have shared with my husband for the past 6 and a half years or so. I had feelings from resentment to anger to regret. But, I can honestly say that at this point those feelings of loneliness have dulled a little and I am no longer angry. Things have been pretty good around here, considering my bff isn't with me at the moment. I am learning a new way of life and instead of trying to fight it and becoming exhausted in the process, I am embracing it and accepting it. It's so much easier to just let go and live day by day rather than constantly worrying about the future.
  I gotta say that I am so proud of my Brad. I told him that if he was gonna do this then he was gonna do it right! No giving up and dropping out. No just barely getting by. Either do it good or don't do it at all. So, far he is doing amazing and he is loving it. My boy went from being a computer geek and couch potato to running two miles in 17 mins and 23 seconds (which is passing), climbing up a 16 foot rope (if that doesn't seem hard then YOU do it!) and becoming a sharp shooter (look it up, some of these guys didn't even pass their Basic Riffle Marksmanship test). He is sticking to it and finishing what he started and that is HUGE for him. He is going out of his comfort zone and learning new things. He is accomplishing things that he never thought he'd be able to do. He is becoming a man that his children can look up to. All I ever wanted was for him to be proud of himself and to be happy and it looks like that is finally happening.
  I miss him more than mere words could ever express. If you are happily married then you can probably understand how I feel. If you are not married then imagine trying to get by without an arm or a leg. Imagine trying to do just every day things without something that you have grown so dependent on and maybe even started to take for granted. After a while you'd learn a new way to accomplish all those old things, but you'd still wish that that piece of you wasn't missing.
  So, here's to the next 27 days and making time fly by until I get to hold my very own soldier, my hero,  in my arms again. Brad Charles Wolff, I love you to the moon and back!