Happy Weight....or not.

As of September 3, 2012 I weigh 129 pounds. I read a few years ago that that was my "happy weight" and ever since then that has been my goal. I always felt like if I could stand on the scale and see that number I'd be content with my body. So, imagine my surprise when that was not the case. I'm really not to thrilled with how I look. I imagined my body being much different at my "happy weight". I imagined it being tighter, leaner, sexier. So, thinking that maybe this "happy weight" calculator that I had based my weight loss goals on was a joke I figured out my BMI. According to that calculator the 22.8 I scored is perfectly healthy. In fact, it's right smack dab in the middle of the "normal" zone. I was a bit puzzled at first. How the heck can I have just "aced" two weight tests and still feel myself shudder when I'm standing in front of the mirror nude? Why am I not thrilled? I should be out at Victoria's Secret right now buying myself a sexy little number or two for when my husband comes home in eleven days, but instead I feel like I'd rather wear sweat pants and a large t-shirt and keep the lights off...if ya know what I mean.
Honestly, I kinda felt cheated. I felt like those stupid tests lied to me and set me up for the disappointment I was feeling. I felt like all the jogging I'd been doing was pointless and a waste of time. I felt like I should go back and eat all the sweets and soft drinks I had been passing up.
But, then between last night and me writing this blog I decided to cut myself some slack. It's taken me less than four months to lose 19 pounds. In that time I have started eating better (still not great) and exercising regularly. I can now jog two miles without stopping (very slowly) and my clothes are starting to fall off of me (maybe I shoulda put money away for a new wardrobe first). I'm not where I want to be, but I'm way better than where I was. So, instead of sulking while I shove my face full of junk food I'm gonna go out for another jog today and I'm going to continue to TRY and tighten up my poor abs that were sliced into four and a half years ago.
I have made a new goal for myself. That goal does not consist of a number on a scale. My new goal is to look at myself in the mirror every single day and smile at what I see. I'd like to recognize the fact that my body was not used to sell lingerie and that it never ever will be. My body will never be splashed across a big screen somewhere to make men drool and women hate themselves. Nope, this girl isn't winning any "most beautiful" people awards and I'm okay with that. I really am.
This body has housed three beautiful babies. This body has worked the hardest, not out on a jog, but on a hospital bed giving birth to a new little miracle (3X). And now at 27 years old it's working again at being the best that it can be and it's not giving up any time soon.